


Three times Steve misunderstood and one time he really misunderstood

by 4thofFive



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 09:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4thofFive/pseuds/4thofFive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I blame Dr. Seuss for this entirely. I saw the book title and ran with it - the title not the book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three times Steve misunderstood and one time he really misunderstood

The thing you need to understand first of all is that Steve McGarrett didn’t have much experience flirting. Not because he couldn’t do it but because well, quite frankly, he’d never really had to. The truth was if he was interested in a woman – or a man for that matter – it didn’t usually take much to lure them into his orbit. A long look, a slow smile was usually all that was required to attract the attention of anyone who caught his eye.

 

Steve didn’t want to sound like an arrogant ass but he knew he was good looking, gorgeous some might say (he never would). He’d known it since he was 15 years old and had ‘come into his looks’ as his Grandma Fitzpatrick would have said. From that time on men and women gravitated to him and if he showed the slightest amount of interest, it took very little persuasion to get them into bed.

 

The bottom line, and you need to keep this in mind, is that he is an inexperienced flirter which is why he kept getting into these situations. He blamed Danny really. Danny should have known that Steve didn’t do much flirting and would misread the signals. Or maybe Danny should be more careful with the signals he was sending...even if they weren’t actually signals but Steve thought...oh hell you make up your own mind.

 

1\. WTF Steven?

They were in a Barnes and Noble bookstore shopping for a book for Grace. Danny was big on reading and believed instilling a love of books and reading in his little girl would help guarantee her success in life. Steve wasn’t a big reader – couldn’t sit still long enough – but he did enjoy the odd Tom Clancy novel and he thought it cool that Danny and Grace both loved books and he was happy to encourage that love in the little girl he considered his daughter.

 

So Steve was in the adult fiction section looking for something that might interest Grace – she’d never been a great fan of most of the teen novels out today – while Danny was in the next aisle over digging around a bin of discounted books. Steve put down the bodice ripper he’d been looking at – no damned way he was getting that for his little girl – when he and Danny looked at up each other at the same time. Danny gave Steve this sort of far away smile and Steve felt his heart stutter in his chest. Then Danny got this soft look on his face and said “There’s a Wocket in my Pocket.”

 

Steve was stunned and confused for a moment but the smile on Danny’s face and that distracting blue shirt he was wearing made it very clear what the blonde man wanted and what the hell, no one was around. Steve smirked and stalked around the bookshelf and over to Danny. He pressed himself against Danny’s back wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s waist and slowly letting one big hand slide down the front of Danny’s pants until he was palming Danny’s soft cock.

 

“Can I help you with that wocket problem Danno?” the SEAL breathed hot into his boyfriend’s ear.

 

Danny yelped in dismay and struggled out of Steve’s arms slapping away the taller man’s hands.

 

“What the fuck Steven!” he hissed putting a hand on the other man’s chest and pushing him away. “We’re in a public place, a bookstore with families around. What the hell are you doing grabbing me like that?”

 

Steve’s mouth dropped open as he blinked in confusion.

 

“But...I thought you were coming onto me.”

 

Danny snorted in disgust.

 

“In a Barnes and Noble? What, pray tell, would make your sick, twisted mind think that?

 

Steve licked his lips nervously and shrugged distractedly.

 

“Well you...you said something about a wocket in your pocket and I thought it was a euphemism and, you know, you meant that...” he threw his hands in the air and let them fall uselessly to his side.

 

Danny stared at him for a moment mouth agape. The look telegraphed any number of things that Danny thought were wrong with Steve’s brain. The blonde man turned slowly and picked up a yellow covered book from the discount bin then turned back to show it to Steve. It had a picture of a weird-looking red-headed boy on it with an even weirder looking blue creature hanging out of his back pocket.

 

“There’s a Wocket in My Pocket,” Steve read aloud and with growing humiliation, “by Dr. Seuss.”

 

The dark-haired man tore his eyes away from the book cover and stared at Danny mournfully.

 

“I didn’t...I’ve never heard of...”

 

Danny sighed and shook his head at the fates that had conspired to put this ill-bred Neanderthal in his life.

 

“It was Grace’s favourite book when she was a toddler,” the detective hissed through clenched teeth. “Only you would turn it into something dirty.”

 

A red-faced Danny threw the book back in the bin and spun on his heel to march out of the store muttering about how he would never show his face there again. A sheepish Steve followed in his wake.

 

**********

2\. It was a carrot! What was he supposed to think?

 

Steve came in from the garage and stopped dead in the doorway to the kitchen. Danny was standing in front of the counter top, his profile to Steve and he was...Steve swallowed thickly...he was performing a blow job on a carrot. Well that’s what it looked like anyway. He had this piece of carrot between his lips and he was pushing it out and sucking it in rapidly – in, out, in, out. It was obscene and it sent all of the blood in Steve’s body rushing towards his cock.

 

The SEAL smirked and stalked quietly towards his boyfriend. Danny looked over at him questioningly.

 

“If you want something to put in your mouth Danno I can feed you my co—“

 

It was then that he noticed Grace sitting on the other side of the counter laughing so hard she wasn’t making any sound at all. He looked at the little girl with shock then back at his wide-eyed boyfriend. Danny spit the carrot to the floor.

 

“Do it again Daddy!” Grace giggled happily as the two men stared at each other in a tableau of frozen horror. “Make the snake tongue again.”

 

“Steven...” Danny growled in warning but whatever he was going to say was lost to Steve who turned and fled, er, made a tactical withdrawal from the room.

 

“What was Uncle Steve going to put in your mouth?” asked Grace’s innocent voice as Steve slammed through the back doors and ran like a thief towards the comforting embrace of the ocean.

 

**********

3\. Meet the Parents

 

OK this time was so not Steve’s fault! This time they were alone in the house – just the two of them – so nothing could go wrong.

 

Steve was outside painting one of the Adirondack chairs on the lanai. Danny was sitting inside at Steve’s father’s old desk and Steve could see him through the open window. They smiled at each other and then Danny looked away and started talking. He was saying all these sweet things like “so beautiful” and “look at those long legs” and “I’d like to run my fingers through that soft hair” and “aren’t you a handsome devil?”

 

So what was Steve supposed to think but that Danny was coming onto him? He knew Danny enjoyed looking at him – just as he enjoyed looking at Danny – so naturally he assumed his boyfriend was trying to entice him inside for a quick make out session and possibly more. And the thing about Steve was that he was always up for a quick make out session and always, always up for something more.

 

He put down his paintbrush and walked off the lanai back into the house and down the hallway to the office. He sauntered into the room stripping off his clothes as he went. If Danny was going to admire his body he was going to give him a clear, unobstructed view. As he walked in, Danny’s back was to him and Steve smirked at the surprise his boyfriend was going to get.

 

A now completely naked Steve cleared his throat loudly.

 

“Hey baby, thought you might like to see the real thing up close.” 

 

It was only when Danny turned in his chair and Steve saw the laptop in his lap that the dark-haired man remembered his boyfriend was going to Skype his family that day to meet his newborn nephew. 

 

Unfortunately when Danny turned the laptop also turned and the Williams family – all 12 of them, including Danny’s cousin, Father David – got a clear and very personal view of Steve.

 

Danny sat frozen staring at Steve with his mouth open and closing uselessly. But Danny’s family wasn’t frozen. His sisters and brothers-in-law shrieked and laughed while his mother shrieked and covered her eyes. Steve grabbed the nearest thing he could find to cover himself with – a box of Kleenex as it happened – and began backing quickly out of the room but not before Danny’s father’s voice came low and tight across the screen.

 

“Daniel. Is there something you need to tell us?”

 

**********

 

So now do you see why these things happened? Steve can’t be blamed can he? And certainly he can’t be blamed for what happened later:

 

..........

4\. So confused

 

Steve sighed in frustration as he unpacked the bags of groceries. He and Danny had started out having a nice day but the blonde man had become more and more withdrawn over the course of the day and had basically stopped talking to Steve about an hour ago. He adored Danno but sometimes he felt like he was dating a teenage girl instead of a 36-year-old man.

 

Steve put Danny’s jar of strawberry jam in the cupboard then left the kitchen to climb the stairs and find his lover; might as well face the music now. Danny was sitting on the lanai off their bedroom staring moodily out to the ocean. Steve sat down in the chair next to him with a sigh.

 

“Danny,” he began firmly. “Will you please tell me why you’re mad at me? I obviously did something wrong but I have no idea what.”

 

Danny huffed out an indignant breath and crossed his arms moodily on his chest.

 

“You didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.”

 

Steve refrained from rolling his eyes in frustration.

 

“That’s not helping Danno. What are you talking about?”

 

Danny shrugged then looked over at Steve then away quickly.

 

“Are you...” the blonde man paused to clear his throat. “Are you tired of me already? Have you lost interest in me? I mean it’s hasn’t even been six months but if you...”

 

Steve sat forward in his chair and stared at Danny incredulously.

 

“What?” he snapped, “Where the hell is this coming from? Why would you think I’ve lost interest in you?”

 

Danny threw his hands in the air and glared at Steve.

 

“The way you acted today. I was flirting with you like crazy and you just ignored me.”

 

Steve stared at him blankly for a moment.

 

“You were flirting with me?”

 

Danny hurtled to his feet and began pacing the lanai like a caged lion.

 

“Jesus are you that blind?” he turned to face Steve and ticked off his points on his fingers. “The beach where I walked around with my board shorts barely clinging to my hips and kept bending over for no reason at all? The grocery store where I gave a hand job to that cucumber and rolled around those two cherry tomatoes in one hand talking about how firm and plump they were? And the frozen fruit bar? Jesus I all but fellated that frozen fruit bar and I got nothing from you!”

 

The blonde man visibly deflated and turned his back to Steve and looked out at the ocean.

 

“So I thought maybe you weren’t interested in me anymore.”

 

Steve closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He didn’t know which of them was dumber, him or Danny. He stood up and walked over to his boyfriend and bent down to wrap his arms around the smaller man’s waist and rest his chin on his shoulder.

 

“Oh my god Danny! Not interested in you anymore? Are you nuts? I’m crazy about you and I can barely keep my hands off of you most of the time.”

 

Danny tipped his head to the side slightly so he could catch the corner of Steve’s eye.

 

“Well then what was it? Why were you ignoring my signals?”

 

Steve chuckled dryly.

 

“The truth is...” Steve swallowed his humiliation. “I’m just not very good at flirting or seeing when someone is flirting with me. Don’t you remember the last few times I thought you were sending signals? Those incidents were...well they are best forgotten about. But I guess I’ve become a bit gun-shy, especially after showing my burgeoning erection to your mother and your cousin the Catholic priest. 

 

Danny couldn’t help but snicker at that. At least he could laugh about it now despite the unorthodox way his family had discovered he was gay and living with his partner.

 

“Oh babe,” Danny freed one arm to caress the side of Steve’s face. “You really are a Neanderthal aren’t you?”

 

Steve rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

 

“Listen,” Danny announced as he managed to turn himself in Steve’s arms and look up at his boyfriend, eyes bright with a new idea. “How about this? From now on when I’m going to flirt with you I’ll warn you beforehand?”

 

Steve made a face of confusion.

 

“So...what...you’re going to say ‘Steve I’m about to flirt with you now?’”

 

Danny nodded sagely.

 

“Yeah for a while anyway. It will be like flirting training wheels – just until you can do it on your own without me running along beside you holding onto the seat. This will give you a chance to practice flirting with me too – something other than ‘hey Danny wanna fuck?’”

 

Steve made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat.

 

“God Danny you make me sound like a child.”

 

Danny pulled his lips between his teeth in order not to respond to that comment – it was too easy.

 

Steve sighed in resignation and nodded.

 

“Fine. You can announce your intentions.”

 

“Good boy,” Danny replied patting Steve’s face in an annoyingly condescending manner. “Someday you’ll be flirting like an old pro.” The blonde man narrowed his eyes at his gorgeous boyfriend, “Although if you ever do it with anyone but me I’m going to lop your dick off with the garden shears.”

 

Steve grinned and pulled Danny against his chest wrapping his arms around him tightly.

 

“No one but you Danno.”

 

The two men stood quietly for several moments embracing in the golden light of the setting sun. Steve sighed happily then turned his head so his lips were pressed against Danny’s temple.

 

“Hey Danny wanna fuck?”

 

The end.


End file.
